HAWK: Kauling humor by Shraddha Kaul
40 minutes before the film premier:
Wife of producer/director: "You are going to have acid reflux with the amount of coffee
you are sponging up. And why have you bought so many coffee vouchers for my
family and people from your office? You’ve watched this film so many times at the
edit. You can sleep through the film. The seats are comfy at the back."
Exhausted Producer/Director : “You think I am going to sleep in the theatre?? I am not
having a bad review because some idiot yawned or had a bored look. The critics are
going to be there. I am going to watch each and every head in that theatre like a
HAWK. If anyone's sleeping or typing away on his or her mobile.. well.. he's never
working with me or in this town ever again. And you are not watching the film either. I
will watch the left side of the theater and you will watch the right side, I told your sister
and cousins to watch the middle section. The writers and editor are watching the middle
rows too. Make a note of those people who are sleeping, typing and have a bored look
during the screening and especially when they get up during intermission …and really
see their expressions.. just watch their heads..back of their heads.. heads need to be
parallel to the screen which is 90 degrees or between 90 to 180 degrees…if heads are
below 90 degrees that means they are looking down into their phones..…you can
hardly make out the sweet talking fakers these days. Want to shed off some free
loaders today! You got the paper and pen right? Drink those two cups of coffee
now…you’d have plenty of time to watch the film later on."
Shraddha Kaul is a Mumbai based actor.