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HAWK: Kauling humor by Shraddha Kaul



40 minutes before the film premier: 


Wife of producer/director: "You are going to have acid reflux with the amount of coffee

you are sponging up. And why have you bought  so many coffee vouchers for my

family and people from your office?  You’ve watched this film so many times at the

edit.  You can sleep through the film. The seats are comfy at the back."

Exhausted Producer/Director : “You think I am going to sleep in the theatre?? I am not

having a bad review because some idiot yawned or had a bored look. The critics are

going to be there.  I am going to watch each and every head in that theatre like a

HAWK. If anyone's sleeping or typing away on his or her mobile.. well.. he's never

working with me or in this town ever again.  And you are not watching the film  either. I

will watch the left side of the theater and you will watch the right side, I told your sister

and cousins to watch the middle section. The writers and editor are watching the middle

rows too.  Make a note of those people who are sleeping, typing  and have a bored look

during the screening and especially when they get up during intermission …and really

see their expressions.. just watch their heads..back of their heads.. heads need to be

parallel to the screen which is 90 degrees or between 90 to 180 degrees…if heads are

below 90 degrees that means they are looking down into their phones..…you can

hardly make out the sweet talking fakers these days. Want to shed off some free

loaders today! You got the paper and pen right? Drink those two cups of coffee

now…you’d have plenty of time to watch the film later on."


Shraddha Kaul is a Mumbai based actor.

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