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At the 2nd floor of an upscale mall: Kauling humor by Shraddha Kaul

Disappointed Actor/Actress: “And I knew I'd just have that 45 second scene in the film. I was counting on that 45 second footage. They said I'd be in the trailor too which I'm not. I went for the dubbing of the film and am there for just.. 3 seconds!! You hardly register a face in 3 seconds!! We oogle at these international super models for minimum 5 seconds to really…you know… remember.. them well everyday…..(sulks) Whose going to REGISTER a face like mine in 3 seconds? It’s not even a close up..It’s a medium shot!”

Confident Well Wisher: “But they invited you & your father for the premier, right? You can hobnob there with all those biggies. Look at the big picture”

Disappointed Actor/Actress: It IS a big picture…and am as good as not in it!...Papa is dying to see me in the film. But he has a back issue and can't sit for more than 10 minutes at a stretch and has to stand up to stretch. His sciatica is a problem too. He'd stand up in the theatre and stretch and it'll look like he's bored. What if there are critics there who see this..this chap from the audience standing in the dark and stretching and then they give the film 1 star? Or what if the film is really boring? And the audience sees this lone figure ,my father, standing in the dark and then taking a cue from him everyone stands up one by one. Stretching is a sign of boredom. Remember moral science classes!”

Confident Well Wisher: “But no one in the right frame of mind will stand up in a premier even if it’s a bad film, unless they have a bad back or want to annihilate their careers themselves! Everyone has a back issue these days, people understand.”

Disappointed Actor/Actress: “No.. people stand on your throats!...My father will stretch...the director producer etc would always remember my dad. "THATS the guy who stood up in our film screening and made the critics give a bad review!" Then they'd remember ME…what would happen to me then? They'd never cast me!...I don’t think I should go.”

Confident Well Wisher: “If you don't go, you won’t look like a team player… Tell your dad to wear a spine brace on..ON his clothes so it's seen by all of them. And a neck brace. Tell him to carry a walking stick too. It’ll make him more conspicuous.. So he looks like a walking bill board commercial for rickety bones, acute back ache and osteo arthritis. Make sure to introduce him to the producer and director. So HE’S the one whose REGISTERED well for at least 40 minutes before the film premiere. They’d very well know what to expect.. from Mr. Achy Bones then.” (smiles)

Shraddha kaul is a Mumbai based actor.

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